Back at college

It sure feels nice. Seeing everyone over break was pretty refreshing. It's nice to see that everyone is doing well.

There's such a huge difference between high school friends and college friends. College friends seem to be the friends of 'now' as high school friends seem to be the friends of 'before'. To me, it feels as if high school friends, even if they haven't talked, will still always be friends. It's a pretty static system. You're not usually going to hear about two old high school friends, now in college, severing ties. However, college is a whole new environment. People come and go. Individuals who you find interesting and entertaining may become dull and boring in time. College friends are pretty dynamic, maybe it's because we're seeing these people every single day.

College friends and high school friends... It's such an obvious topic. Come graduation, everyone goes through the bittersweet phase of wondering whether or not they will keep in touch with their high school friends. Everyone wonders whether or not they will make new college friends who both like them and they like. Don't worry though... High school friends have this special bond where no matter how long they've been apart, they will always be able to come back and have amazingly captivating and real talks. And in college, there are enough personalities, cliques and quirks for anyone to find his or her proper place.

I wonder though - Which friends should be more important to me...

Me

When it comes to girls, most of my friends know that I'm a pretty picky guy. I'm overly skeptical, critical and judgmental. It's hard for me to think that a girl is genuinely attractive or has a personality that is controlled yet spontaneous, space-y yet down-to-earth, confident yet vulnerable, intelligent yet silly, and loving yet sane. I usually end up over-analyzing things and getting hung up on things others would find quite insignificant. For some reason, to me, everything ends up being significant - even the little things - when it deals with someone close to me.

Soo. I'm surprised right now.

Ahhh

Today was so nice.

Woke up from sleeping over Brian's house and headed over the IHOP with the group. Got brunch and then went to the high school with Sidd to visit the little high-schoolers and silly teachers. Delivered Amy a McDonalds ice cream sundae during her IPLE class as Brodman's cartoonish face turned slightly red and irritated. Hurried out of L7 to visit Sanellz, the best teacher at EBHS. Had a nice talk with her... reminiscing of the good old Waksman and period 2/3 biology class. I swear, I dropped the F-bomb at least four times in front of her... I'm pretty sure I kind of told her to fuck off at one point, jokingly - She didn't seem to care. Visited some more teachers but then got kicked out of the school by an old, senile hall aid who threatened to 'put us in jail for trespassing'. After that I played basketball at Will's. Rolled my ankle but whatever - it's okay. Spent the rest of the night finding a bunch of people :]

Visiting the high school was really interesting. It's amazing how differently you're looked at when you're in college. You seem to have a certain aura or presence that makes little high-schoolers look up to you. It was a really nice experience. The teachers talk to you in such a chill attitude and act genuinely interested in your life.

The best part of the day was at night though. Visited a few people, got dinner with one of them and then stopped by Michow's house to watch a movie. Then found Caroline. It was so nice seeing her after so long. It put this irreversible smile on my face.

Thanksgiving Break

It's Monday night. Tomorrow night I'll be packing my backpack with some clothes and heading back to East Brunswick. It's hard to explain, but I am really excited for this break. It's the first break I've had since I've been in college, and firsts are always interesting. I can't wait to meet up with high school friends that I haven't seen in the longest time and just sit around and catch up. It'll be exciting to see how people have changed and grown due to their new college environments.

Thanksgiving break is definitely going to be fun. Just chilling with the old group and doing what we do best: bumming. Just restaurant hopping during the day and then sitting around at people's houses talking through the night until the sun comes up.

I for one can say college definitely has changed me to some extent. It'll be interesting to see how others have changed.

I absolutely love college, but this break is going to be pretty fun. I can't wait.

If you're important to me, I'll visit you. So if you don't get a visit, I don't actually care about you <3

Where are you?

Honestly. Where have you gone, sun? I haven't seen you in the last four days. I kind of miss you.

PS. I fucking hate needy girls.

AMY!

I wanted you to know that I love you!

Lying in an uncomfortable bed, covered in clothes, trash and random things, wearing a hoodie and boxers.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about my mindset towards school and my education. I remember back in middle school I was the typical asian nerd. Motivated to get not just straight A's, but straight A+'s, I would plop down next to my desk right after school and work until all my readings, assignments and studying were done. Even though my life pretty much consisted of working and sleeping, I was content with my life. Looking back now, I have no idea how I survived those years of my life. Now, I would say that I was living the 'incorrect' way and certainly needed someone to explain to me that there is more to life than just working my ass off. I'm wondering now though, lying in an uncomfortable bed, covered in clothes, trash and random things, wearing a hoodie and boxers, whether or not it is right for me to think that my way of life should be a way of life for everyone to at least some extent. It should be okay for someone to not be sociable, stay indoors and study all day, shouldn't it? As long as that individual is happy, who am I to tell him or her that he or she is living his or her life the wrong way? (whoa, lots of pronouns).

I remember having a talk similar to this with Sidd one fateful night in Willy's basement. We talked for like 4 hours... until the sun came up, just bouncing ideas off of each other. We went from topic to topic, talking about so many random things. Some of these things were pretty retarded, but some were pretty deep and thought-provoking. Some of the things that night really struck me and made me think about my view on life.

Balancing work and play has been a problem for everyone. It's so hard to get the perfect combination. It's a mixing pot where everyone always over-adds or doesn't add enough, leading to either mediocrity and fun or brilliance and boredom.

Wait though. Have I been getting this all wrong? Maybe truly brilliant people enjoy the work that they do. Maybe I'm just not smart enough or open-minded enough to realize that work can be fun, and it can give a certain sense of accomplishment and self-fulfillment that no amount of play could achieve. Maybe I should stop telling people to just have fun and start telling them to work if they feel like it.

Maybe I should start telling myself to work.

It's 6 PM

Just woke up. My body feels like crap. Not in the mood to do work yet, even though I do have work.

Crap.

Missed a computers exam. First time missing an exam. Of course it has to be the one class which the professor's completely unreasonable. She says I can retake it at 12:00 today for a maximum of 50 percent.

Shit.

The Cube

So my friend Jonny just ran this personality test on me. It was called 'The Cube'. Basically, he asked me to picture a plain landscape, with a sky and desert separated by a horizon. He then told me that there was a cube in my vision. He asked me what size the cube was, what color it was, what it was made out of and if you could see through it. Then he told me to picture a ladder. He asked me where it was in the landscape, how it looked, if it was sturdy and if any of the steps were missing. Then he told me there was a horse. He asked me where the horse was with respect to the cube, what color it was and any noticeable features of it. Next came the storm. He told me to picture a storm and describe it. The final part of the personality test was flowers. He told me that there were flowers in this desert and asked me how they looked, where they were and how many there were.

I told him that my cube was pretty big, right in front of me, floating above the ground and made out of a glass-like material that could not be seen through. I pictured a sturdy, wooden, firm ladder that leaned closely against the cube, but only reached up 2/3 of the height. For the horse, I saw a brown horse. It was a cute horse. It had a mount on it, but there was no one riding it. It was right by one of the corners of the cube. For flowers, I said there were a ring of flowers around me. White flowers that were pretty small in size. The test ended with me picturing a small storm, far away from the cube and stationery.

Supposedly the cube represents myself. A big cube represents a confident person with a pretty large ego. Cubes that float represent intelligent individuals who are usually more creative and witty. The fact that the cube was glass means that I'm easily understood and try to get my point across the others. The glass being shiny and not see-through means that I stand out in a crowd.

The ladder represents my friends. If the ladder is leaning against the cube, it means you have friends that you can depend on. A sturdy ladder means that your friendships are solid and some of them will most likely last a lifetime. The ladder also represents your pathway to your goals. It's weird that my ladder didn't reach the top of my cube and only 2/3 of the height. The book didn't specify exactly what that meant.

The horse represents my lover. If it has a mount, it means that my lover will most likely be hard-working, domesticated and a romantic. The fact that it is close to the cube means that she will most likely stay loyal.

The flowers represent my offspring... Supposedly I want 10 kids that ring around me closely. That's definitely incorrect.

The storm represents my problems. The fact that it is small and far away means that I mostly have no troubles. As of now, my life seems to be going pretty smoothly, void of problems.

The ladder thing really got me thinking... Hm...

Sorry

I feel like I'm neglecting some people.