dying

im dying. goodbye everyone.

WEKEKEKE

Making someone's day is awesome. It's amazing that one person can do one simple thing and just brighten another person's day.

People should try a little bit harder.

My Name is Nick

You have people that call me a sweetheart, then you have people that call me a douche. People call me one of the simplest people in the world, then other people call me one of the most confusing people in the world. People say it's almost impossible to talk to me, while others claim they can tell me just about anything. Some feel like I'm a center of gossip and spill every secret I know yet others know that I'd never betray one of my friend's trust.

It's so funny how my persona gets so much analysis. Just chill hahah. I'll probably like you more if you're chill too. Honestly, I'm just Nick. An 18 year old that enjoys bumming around and getting by at Rutgers.

This break

has made me realize just how different high school friends are from college friends. I mean, everyone knows that people always have a clear distinction between high school and college friends, but who would have thought that it feels different missing college friends than it does missing high school friends. I think it's more because in college, you spend so much time with them, considering you live together and pretty much have all the freedom in the world. You can just walk down the hall, up a flight of stairs or down a block and meet up with a familiar faces. It's so weird being back at home now. You no longer have that luxury of having numerous people to talk to, chill with and bond with within arms reach.

So today we're planning on getting trapped at Shane's house. It should be pretty fun. I'm planning on bringing my laptop and just chilling with the usuals.

Oh, and yesterday was interesting. I got a door closed on my head by some quirky girl, a lecture from a short girl and an ear-rape by countless korean people (yuck).

3 Weeks

Three weeks of winter break... I feel like the first week is going to be alright, but I have a feeling I'm going to start missing college pretty quickly.

Maybe I'll be proven wrong though - hopefully.

Fuck.

Remember how I was late for my second exam for my computers class that was worth 20 percent of my grade? I ended up getting an 100 on the test, and she put it into the gradebook as an 100. Then on the last day of the semester she changed it to a 50... What bullshit. Even though it's a bad thing to say, every student bases how much he/she needs to study from how well he/she does on the previous exams. If you have a 100 in the class, you're not going to study that much for the final exam or put much effort into the homeworks or extra credit options. If she fucking made my grade a 50 when I got it, then I still would have been able to get an A in the class, instead she randomly changes it at the end of the semester and gives my grade a 10 point blow. Honestly. People are sucking her dick and doing extra credit and shit to get extra points to boost their grades up. How does that reflect any bit of intelligence or knowledge of the course at all? MATLAB? Who the fuck gives a shit if you can sit through a lecture and answer a pop quiz question or go listen to some guest speaker and jot down some feedback about them? That's not what your grade in the class should be based on. It should be based on the exams, homeworks and projects...

So annoying. So that killed my 4.0. Was sure I had straight A's and then randomly checked Sakai to see that she changed my exam grade to a 50. What the fuck.

Lol

Rutgers is such a shitty college, and the people here are so scrubby hahah. It's awesome.

Done with finals

Even though I'm done with finals, I still stayed up all night, just chilling with people and doing random shit. College is awesome. You can find ways to pass the time no matter what hour it is. Even if friends have final exams to study for, it's so simple to edge them into watching movies with you or just fooling around, engaging in conversations filled with nothing more than meaningless babble.

After I finished my last final, it was really an uplifting feeling. It was nice to know that I was completely done with the semester and managed to get through it without really working at all. Now I get to just chill at Rutgers until it closes on Thursday and then head back to EB to reminisce with old friends for three weeks. Winter break should be fun.

As of now 2/4 of my grades are officially loaded onto my.rutgers.edu - A in chem and calc. Lol.

Damn

Some people are mean.

Up Late

Studying for chem final in 6 hours. Poop.

High off caffeine

So I started studying for my calc final a few hours ago. Went to the bathroom to take a dump and thought it was okay to just spit on the bathroom floor since the custodians would clean it up. Went to the bathroom again later and, forgetting about my spit, stepped on it.

Karma's a bitch, and my karma is pretty shitty.

College

Don't worry guys. College is like 30 percent you and 70 percent luck. It's so random. Do you really think a college is able to make n number of correct choices when n is as big as how many students are applying to that college? Just because you don't get into one college doesn't mean anything. Just wait for your other decisions to come in and everything should be okay if you're a good applicant.

You do play a factor in college decisions, but luck does too.

Finals

Finals are coming up.

I have a computers exam this Friday, and three exams next week. As of now, I have A's in all my classes, and I'd like to keep it that way. Hopefully I can pull it off and do well on all of my finals, though I am quite reluctant to study. I'm pretty sure I'm just going to have to brush up on a little bit of chem and look over some of the crappy memorization junk in calc. Yep, after these finals the semester is over, and I can head back home - even though it'd be pretty fun to just stay at Rutgers and chill, too bad they close the dorms.

This weekend is the weekend that everyone is supposed to go partying since it's the weekend before most finals and the last time to go out before winter break. I dunno if I want to go out though. Too much bad stuffs. My health is going down the drain.

On a totally unrelated note, I've come to realize that I'm totally missing out...

Me

It's not true. You do not learn something new every single day. Some days are just filled with meaningless fluff and mindless babble, void of anything worth taking note of. I've been having quite a few of those days recently. Today I learned something though. I learned something really important about myself.

Decisions decisions decisions.

Hm. I guess some choices in life are pretty important... I've made a few of these choices without much thought, and I think that's a pretty bad thing.

At least this decision isn't too important. Now that I think about it, at least this decision isn't even important.

Last night we smashed like 200 fortune cookies glued together. I searched through a few of the fortunes and found a really deep one. Or at least I thought it was deep when I was completely shitfaced.

You're nothing special.

I'm nothing special. I'm pretty much mediocre. I'm stupid at best. I'm never going to amount to anything.

You're nothing special. You're pretty much mediocre. You're stupid at best. You're never going to amount to anything.

What a negative mentality you might say but it's true nevertheless. No one in my graduating class will amount to anything. Most likely no one I will meet in my lifetime will amount to anything. No one will contribute anything even near substantial to society or have their mark on history. No one has a unique enough personality, impressive enough intellect or canny enough wit to consider themselves special or even note-worthy. There are too many people in this world to consider any one of us important. People need to understand how insignificant we are.

So let me take the easy route through life and just bum. Why waste time working when, in the end, none of us will achieve anything timeless?

You're nothing special. I'm nothing special. Quit lying to yourself - it's unhealthy.

Hahah

If you're good at talking you can get anything you want.

Back at college

It sure feels nice. Seeing everyone over break was pretty refreshing. It's nice to see that everyone is doing well.

There's such a huge difference between high school friends and college friends. College friends seem to be the friends of 'now' as high school friends seem to be the friends of 'before'. To me, it feels as if high school friends, even if they haven't talked, will still always be friends. It's a pretty static system. You're not usually going to hear about two old high school friends, now in college, severing ties. However, college is a whole new environment. People come and go. Individuals who you find interesting and entertaining may become dull and boring in time. College friends are pretty dynamic, maybe it's because we're seeing these people every single day.

College friends and high school friends... It's such an obvious topic. Come graduation, everyone goes through the bittersweet phase of wondering whether or not they will keep in touch with their high school friends. Everyone wonders whether or not they will make new college friends who both like them and they like. Don't worry though... High school friends have this special bond where no matter how long they've been apart, they will always be able to come back and have amazingly captivating and real talks. And in college, there are enough personalities, cliques and quirks for anyone to find his or her proper place.

I wonder though - Which friends should be more important to me...

Me

When it comes to girls, most of my friends know that I'm a pretty picky guy. I'm overly skeptical, critical and judgmental. It's hard for me to think that a girl is genuinely attractive or has a personality that is controlled yet spontaneous, space-y yet down-to-earth, confident yet vulnerable, intelligent yet silly, and loving yet sane. I usually end up over-analyzing things and getting hung up on things others would find quite insignificant. For some reason, to me, everything ends up being significant - even the little things - when it deals with someone close to me.

Soo. I'm surprised right now.

Ahhh

Today was so nice.

Woke up from sleeping over Brian's house and headed over the IHOP with the group. Got brunch and then went to the high school with Sidd to visit the little high-schoolers and silly teachers. Delivered Amy a McDonalds ice cream sundae during her IPLE class as Brodman's cartoonish face turned slightly red and irritated. Hurried out of L7 to visit Sanellz, the best teacher at EBHS. Had a nice talk with her... reminiscing of the good old Waksman and period 2/3 biology class. I swear, I dropped the F-bomb at least four times in front of her... I'm pretty sure I kind of told her to fuck off at one point, jokingly - She didn't seem to care. Visited some more teachers but then got kicked out of the school by an old, senile hall aid who threatened to 'put us in jail for trespassing'. After that I played basketball at Will's. Rolled my ankle but whatever - it's okay. Spent the rest of the night finding a bunch of people :]

Visiting the high school was really interesting. It's amazing how differently you're looked at when you're in college. You seem to have a certain aura or presence that makes little high-schoolers look up to you. It was a really nice experience. The teachers talk to you in such a chill attitude and act genuinely interested in your life.

The best part of the day was at night though. Visited a few people, got dinner with one of them and then stopped by Michow's house to watch a movie. Then found Caroline. It was so nice seeing her after so long. It put this irreversible smile on my face.

Thanksgiving Break

It's Monday night. Tomorrow night I'll be packing my backpack with some clothes and heading back to East Brunswick. It's hard to explain, but I am really excited for this break. It's the first break I've had since I've been in college, and firsts are always interesting. I can't wait to meet up with high school friends that I haven't seen in the longest time and just sit around and catch up. It'll be exciting to see how people have changed and grown due to their new college environments.

Thanksgiving break is definitely going to be fun. Just chilling with the old group and doing what we do best: bumming. Just restaurant hopping during the day and then sitting around at people's houses talking through the night until the sun comes up.

I for one can say college definitely has changed me to some extent. It'll be interesting to see how others have changed.

I absolutely love college, but this break is going to be pretty fun. I can't wait.

If you're important to me, I'll visit you. So if you don't get a visit, I don't actually care about you <3

Where are you?

Honestly. Where have you gone, sun? I haven't seen you in the last four days. I kind of miss you.

PS. I fucking hate needy girls.

AMY!

I wanted you to know that I love you!

Lying in an uncomfortable bed, covered in clothes, trash and random things, wearing a hoodie and boxers.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about my mindset towards school and my education. I remember back in middle school I was the typical asian nerd. Motivated to get not just straight A's, but straight A+'s, I would plop down next to my desk right after school and work until all my readings, assignments and studying were done. Even though my life pretty much consisted of working and sleeping, I was content with my life. Looking back now, I have no idea how I survived those years of my life. Now, I would say that I was living the 'incorrect' way and certainly needed someone to explain to me that there is more to life than just working my ass off. I'm wondering now though, lying in an uncomfortable bed, covered in clothes, trash and random things, wearing a hoodie and boxers, whether or not it is right for me to think that my way of life should be a way of life for everyone to at least some extent. It should be okay for someone to not be sociable, stay indoors and study all day, shouldn't it? As long as that individual is happy, who am I to tell him or her that he or she is living his or her life the wrong way? (whoa, lots of pronouns).

I remember having a talk similar to this with Sidd one fateful night in Willy's basement. We talked for like 4 hours... until the sun came up, just bouncing ideas off of each other. We went from topic to topic, talking about so many random things. Some of these things were pretty retarded, but some were pretty deep and thought-provoking. Some of the things that night really struck me and made me think about my view on life.

Balancing work and play has been a problem for everyone. It's so hard to get the perfect combination. It's a mixing pot where everyone always over-adds or doesn't add enough, leading to either mediocrity and fun or brilliance and boredom.

Wait though. Have I been getting this all wrong? Maybe truly brilliant people enjoy the work that they do. Maybe I'm just not smart enough or open-minded enough to realize that work can be fun, and it can give a certain sense of accomplishment and self-fulfillment that no amount of play could achieve. Maybe I should stop telling people to just have fun and start telling them to work if they feel like it.

Maybe I should start telling myself to work.

It's 6 PM

Just woke up. My body feels like crap. Not in the mood to do work yet, even though I do have work.

Crap.

Missed a computers exam. First time missing an exam. Of course it has to be the one class which the professor's completely unreasonable. She says I can retake it at 12:00 today for a maximum of 50 percent.

Shit.

The Cube

So my friend Jonny just ran this personality test on me. It was called 'The Cube'. Basically, he asked me to picture a plain landscape, with a sky and desert separated by a horizon. He then told me that there was a cube in my vision. He asked me what size the cube was, what color it was, what it was made out of and if you could see through it. Then he told me to picture a ladder. He asked me where it was in the landscape, how it looked, if it was sturdy and if any of the steps were missing. Then he told me there was a horse. He asked me where the horse was with respect to the cube, what color it was and any noticeable features of it. Next came the storm. He told me to picture a storm and describe it. The final part of the personality test was flowers. He told me that there were flowers in this desert and asked me how they looked, where they were and how many there were.

I told him that my cube was pretty big, right in front of me, floating above the ground and made out of a glass-like material that could not be seen through. I pictured a sturdy, wooden, firm ladder that leaned closely against the cube, but only reached up 2/3 of the height. For the horse, I saw a brown horse. It was a cute horse. It had a mount on it, but there was no one riding it. It was right by one of the corners of the cube. For flowers, I said there were a ring of flowers around me. White flowers that were pretty small in size. The test ended with me picturing a small storm, far away from the cube and stationery.

Supposedly the cube represents myself. A big cube represents a confident person with a pretty large ego. Cubes that float represent intelligent individuals who are usually more creative and witty. The fact that the cube was glass means that I'm easily understood and try to get my point across the others. The glass being shiny and not see-through means that I stand out in a crowd.

The ladder represents my friends. If the ladder is leaning against the cube, it means you have friends that you can depend on. A sturdy ladder means that your friendships are solid and some of them will most likely last a lifetime. The ladder also represents your pathway to your goals. It's weird that my ladder didn't reach the top of my cube and only 2/3 of the height. The book didn't specify exactly what that meant.

The horse represents my lover. If it has a mount, it means that my lover will most likely be hard-working, domesticated and a romantic. The fact that it is close to the cube means that she will most likely stay loyal.

The flowers represent my offspring... Supposedly I want 10 kids that ring around me closely. That's definitely incorrect.

The storm represents my problems. The fact that it is small and far away means that I mostly have no troubles. As of now, my life seems to be going pretty smoothly, void of problems.

The ladder thing really got me thinking... Hm...

Sorry

I feel like I'm neglecting some people.

Halloween

Halloween at college is absolutely ridiculous. Girls wear little-to-nothing, disregarding the frigid temperatures and countless eye-rapings. Drunkards roam the streets, making complete fools of themselves and dashing through traffic. Partiers pack the buses, not afraid to push and shove, and randomly bursting into well-known chants and songs.

It's funny. Today is actually Halloween but not too much is going on. It appears everyone has become mentally, physically, and 'liver-ly' exhausted due to the nonstop partying of the past three nights. Everyone is just crashing on their beds and taking much-needed rests.

Once upon a time, when we were all good kids, Halloween was just a holiday linked with entertaining costumes and free candy. It was a time where friends could just travel door to door and be rewarded with candy simply by knocking and muttering 'trick or treat'!

It's truly amazing how things change as we grow up.

A thought

It'd be nice to meet someone like me.

Update

I've decided that I may start blogging again... even if it's just a post from time to time. It's a nice place to just throw out all my ideas and thoughts and figure out certain aspects of my life.

Well this is my first blog post as a college student. College is a really interesting place. You can pretty much do whatever you want, whenever you want. You can just open the door, walk down the hall, and find someone to chill with, talk to or even just do homework with. Meshing into Rutgers wasn't a problem for me. Getting to know people has always been easy for me, and I realized just how easy it is to make friends once Rutgers started. At college, you can find every single type of person in the world. There are so many different personalities, cliques and niches that its nearly impossible to not find your respective 'group'. With this, looking around the campus, I always see so many kids that just gave off awkward, eccentric vibes. It's kind of made me feel sympathetic for these kids because some of them are really nice people... They're just too shy and socially-inept to properly integrate themselves into a new environment and make friends.

I've been keeping in touch with a few of my high school friends... It's hard though. Sometimes I'll get a text from someone from high school and just unintentionally overlook it, because I'm so sucked into college life. When I'm sitting in the dining hall, eating with one of my friends, I'm not going to pull out my cellphone and start texting one of my high school friends. To be honest though, I don't miss any of my high school friends. Only a handful, maybe. It's only when I'm talking to them or catching up with them that I begin to reminisce and experience those nostalgic, bittersweet feelings. I really can't wait for breaks and seeing how my friends have changed, grown, or even regressed. It's going to be fun when we all come together and share our 'college adventures'. I'll try not to disappoint.

College has been pretty crazy - I think I've kind of lost myself in it. If I was to rewind two or three years, I would have never expected myself to have turned out the way I am now. I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing, but I'm enjoying myself. One thing I'm certain of is that college has made me have no shame. From last summer until now, I have become completely shameless - no matter how 'shameful' my actions are.

So many unbelievable things have happened since August 28th, move-in day. I feel like I've been here forever, experienced so much and had so much fun, even though it has not even been two months yet.

Hm, well that's all I feel like writing about for now. Don't worry, you'll be hearing from me again.

August 13th

I am pretty happy.

I am also pretty disappointed about a few things though.

I think once college starts I'll be 100 percent happy... hopefully.

Me.

It's amazing how so many people can have such starkly different views on me. Actually, the amazing part is how each person truly believes they have the correct interpretation of me. I mean, someone has to be wrong, right? I can't be two absolutely conflicting personas.

Hm, so I wonder, which set of people are actually correct about me?

The Radio

Now that it's summer, I find myself driving around all the time and with driving, of course comes listening to the radio. Unfortunately, I've come to realize that listening to the radio really kills music for me. Songs that just come out soon lose their luster as they're played over and over again on the radio. Nowadays, it seems like every radio station plays a shuffled, set playlist of the top eight new songs. When Recovery came out, Not Afraid and Love The Way You Lie were amazing. Now, after hearing them being played at least once each car-ride, the songs don't really catch my ear anymore.

I guess that's why it's always nice to pop in an ipod when you're driving around with friends. Just turn up the volume, max out the bass and sing along to all the old songs we haven't heard in a while. Songs we remember being played at field day during elementary school sometimes top the mainstream hits.

Friday

Hope everything works out. It would be quite depressing if it didn't.

One more month.

August 28th. Exactly one month from today marks Rutgers move-in day. Summer is nearly over, and college is almost here.

Even though I have certain expectations and hopes for this last month with my friends, a part of me can't wait for this month to be over. I've come to realize that I really need something new - something to change. The people I talk to, the things I do, the places I go, they're all starting to get so old and mundane. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends (well some of them). Nothing beats just sitting around and chilling with everyone, talking about nothing more than pointless nonsense. The numerous car-rides with everyone screaming and music blasting, the guilt-inducing restaurant-hopping nights, the oddly entertaining rounds of stingpong, the judgmental, critical talks about everything and everyone, the list goes on and on. We've been together for so long and shared so many memories, but that kind of adds to the need for a change.

A friend of mine told me another day that a real friend is someone who you can not see or talk to for the longest time and still know, deep down, that they are there for you. That when all is said and done, the both of you are still friends and could just meet up and catch up and enjoy yourselves. I'm pretty sure I have a few friends that fit this description, and I know I can say my good-byes without any remorse.

The time is finally here though. People going to college out-of-state are going to begin leaving, and tightly-knit groups are going to begin losing invaluable members. It's really an indescribable time. There are going to be too many mixed-emotions to simply label it with one adjective. It's a time where you're going to be faced with the heart-wrenching challenge of leaving cherished friends, yet at the same time faced with the sublime excitement of entering a new surrounding, filled with new places to explore, new challenges to face and new people to meet.

Yep, one more month.

LOL

Screw you!

:D

Today was nice. Everything's been going really well lately. I'm content with life.

Done with APs

Pretty sure I got 5's on everything, except possibly a 4 on physics.

So so so so alleviating. I haven't done work in who knows how long, but now that APs are over, even the teachers understand you don't need to do work. I'm excited for the next few weeks and months leading up to college. It should be super fun.

GJ guys, we're done ;D.

Life

It seems like everyone is always stressed out. Problems always seem to find a way to creep into our lives. Life is tough. It's a cliche, but life truly is. No one gets to experience a perfect life - void of problems, troubles and arguments. There's always going to be that thing that bugs us. That grinds at our brains and tests our patience. It's unfortunate but true. No matter how hard we try to avoid the stressful things in life, they always end up causing some sort of stress.

But hey, we should really end this cycle. We should stop stressing out over the petty, insignificant things. Like really. Think about the things you stress out over. In the end, which of these things really, truly matter? Most of the things that cause us grief have little to no real bearing on our lives. Life would be so much more enjoyable if we could just look past these little things. Look past the elementary disputes and trivial commotion we experience everyday.

Being a 17 year old teenager, I can't really say I've experienced too much of this world yet. I've pretty much lived my life day by day, in the same environment, with the same people. Hell, I have not experienced a ton of things. I've never been on a plane, never been outside the US. Nor have I watched many Disney movies (I have two older brothers). I see myself as a pretty carefree person though. I don't really get bothered by many things or dwell over many problems. I have had a fair share of things in my life that have caused me heartache, but for the most part I enjoy my life. What's the point in getting all riled up over such little things? Maybe this carefree mindset will screw me over later in life, but I don't really mind.

I'm just looking forward for everything that is going to happen. I'm 17, only 17 - hahah. What a small number.

My life.

Is eat, sleep, talk to friends.

After beach/basketball today we went to Buffalo Wild Wings. Got an app, burger, plate of fries and wings. After that we drove down route 1 and went to Outback for round two. Blooming onion and texas cheese fries <3. Our waiter was a total jerk.

Correction to the first line of this post.

My life is eating.

Unseasonal Weather

The past few days have had such amazing weather. It's saved me from my house's broken heater and refreshed my memory of warm weather. It's amazing how drastically the things we did over the weekend changed in comparison to the weekends prior to this. With good weather, friends and a pair of sneakers, you can have fun without needing to find someone with a furnished, stacked-out house. It's so much easier arranging things to do. Pretty much just meet outside someone's house and figure out what to do there. The weekend's been pretty fun. This upcoming week is going to suck though. A stat test on stuff I don't know, two physics tests on stuff I don't know and a bio test on stuff I don't know. Hm, I don't know a lot of stuff, hahah. Oh well, really looking forward to spring break and summer.

Oh, and gchat was super boring without the UN kids.

State of Affairs

I've come to learn how it feels to not have the luxuries of a warm house and warm water. After the crazy storm over the weekend, I have been left with a flooded basement and no source of heat. The water that enters my house is not only contaminated but also ice cold. The air inside of my house is as cold as the air outside. It's like an isotonic solution - LOLOL. Last night I had to drive over to Shane's house to take a shower. It wasn't that bad, I mean I got to see my buddy and have an interesting talk with Tracy. And Shane, you are right - She is a prom addict =D. My current living conditions are quite horrible though. I went to sleep last night, tightly wrapped around by four heavy blankets. I woke up this morning with all four blankets on the floor, in my boxers (I sleep in my boxers - Don't judge me!) and shivering. It was freezing. The only reason I got out of bed instead of just calling in sick was because I had JETS today. Evidently, it was a bad start of the day. Ask anyone on the bus. I was super emo on the ride to NJIT.

JETS was alright though. I mean, even though I'm disappointed that I was placed on Varsity B rather than A, we did quite well - especially considering Sidd, Pien and I were messing around the majority of the time. Even while screwing around, we managed to get 63/80 on the multiple choice section, while Varsity A only beat us by one question (64/80). Personally, I blame this marginal loss on one of the Juniors that were on our team, hahah. To be honest though, I'm not angry. I just think it would have been awesome if a half-senior, half-junior Varsity B team could have beaten a full-senior Varsity A team. We only lost by one question though, so we did do well.

Then again, the Seniors on Varsity B were pretty stacked. Lauren, Pien, Sidd and I :P

Rain rain rain.

I told Caroline that I love the rain. It's so refreshing no matter what you choose to do when it rains. It's always fun to sit at home and bum out for a day - Make some food, sit in front of the television/computer and watch some quality movies. It's always fun to sit by the window and look at the pouring rain. It's always fun to take a little walk, without an umbrella and just get all wet in the rain. The storm that's going on right now is really overdoing it though. NJ is getting beaten by rain and wind.

I just got home from a friend's house, and the drive was by far the most dangerous/difficult drive of my life. This tops any snow-storm I've driven in... Rain is intense. I was legitimately frightened that I would crash and ruin my car (I put the financial consequences over physical harm). Right now in East Brunswick, the roads are an utter mess. There are random lines of cones scattered throughout the area, cutting Route 18 down the middle, making it impossible to cross Route 18. These cones are to make up for the fact that the freaking traffic lights are out right now. There are NO traffic lights functioning right now on Route 18 or Summerhill. Not only are the traffic lights not working but neither are the streetlights. That basically means the only light on the roads is from the lights of the cars driving. I turned my lights off for a second just to see how bad it was - It was bad. I was on Racetrack and it was pitch black. At that point, I was pretty sure I was going to die.

I'm really surprised I have electricity at my house right now... My area is usually one of the first areas to lose power. Driving home, nearly every single house I passed was completely black. That probably explains why barely anyone is online. If you were to drive around right now, you would see police lights everywhere, crazy drivers doing illegal turns and uprooted trees lying on the roads.

Just to give you guys an idea of how bad it is outside - McDonalds was pitch black when I passed by it. No cars in the parking lot, no one inside.

Oh and guess what else. 7-11 was a dead-zone too. When have you ever seen 7-11 closed?

I think the only place open right now would be China Bowl. That place is crazy. I mean, it survived through the death of every other store in its complex, and it is open 24/7/52. And don't forget the fact that one guy lives there - I see him every time I go there.

Statistics

How did I get an F when I got every question right? I have a 62.5 in the class right now.

........

Photocred to Amy <3.
^ Don't get jealous Jon

Sheena shaped chocolates

This 3:30-5:00 tutoring every Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday is really starting to bore me to death. Everyday I drive to this kid's house, bring him to the library, sit at a computer, bug random people on gchat, feel time slowly pass and then drive him back to his house. It's really pointless, other then the fact that I get paid. I mean, yeah, I do realize this is an incredibly easy job, but the job itself is really boring. Whatever, I am paid for boredly staring at a computer.

However, this job has let me observe the library, uncomfortably often. The library has gone from a place for studying and learning to a place for odd teenagers to "chill". I see kids from Churchill and Hammarskjold come here everday, speaking broken English and wearing their pants down to their thighs. I see kids with packs of marlbaros and camels in their backpockets and overhear them asking eachother for lighters. I see a repulsing amount of skin on gortesque, overweight, loose girls, that should instead be covered. I see idiotic kids who think they're something special, when in the end they're going to be the below-minimum wage working class of America. I guess they will serve some purpose though - Driving us around in taxis, mowing our lawns, serving us McDonalds, the services are endless.

It's a pity that so many kids these days are like this. At least, because of this realization, I may state confidently that there will always be loads of people to do the dirty work that upholds an economy. In all seriousness though, it is pretty depressing. I wish these people would realize how badly they are ruining their futures. How about doing something school-related rather then coming to the library every single day?

...Hahah, even right now there's a short, scrawny white kid sitting next to me, telling his friends about his "badass" tendencies. Getting into fights, talking back to his teachers and dating "hot" middle school girls - how exciting.

Jeez, I hope he isn't reading this as I'm typing this... He may beat me up ;[

Sheena flavored bubble tea.

A month ago I blogged about the asians in our grade. It went like this

"Our grade of asians fail. I'm pretty sure we've all realized this. We lack that cohesiveness that every other grade of asians appears to have. It's depressing.

It seems as if we all are split into these little groups that are so little they can't even be considered groups. You have the dumb asians, the fob asians, the weird asians and the very few, normal asians (like me). Oh, and the asians that think they're black, you can't forget about those asians.

It's gotten progressively worse. I guess the asians in this grade aren't really compatible with each other. Too many random problems and weird things with asians. There's always some word going around or some crazy asian complaining. You guys blow."

Reading over it now, I'm kind of second-guessing that prior notion. I felt that our grade was lacking, but in reality, no grade has that perfect, cohesive unit of tightly knit friends - It's just not possible. A lot of times I find myself going through a mental list of all the asians in our grade (only the noteworthy ones of course). I make mental checks, crosses and designations, pondering over my past/current relationships with these people. It's always interesting going over how things have changed and what kind of people we have all become. Lately, I've come to realize that our grade isn't as lacking as I thought it was. We have a bunch of pretty chill asian guys and girls, and I've had plenty of memorable times with the majority of them.

In the end, I am content with our year. You all are what have made up my high school career, and molded me into the person I am today. Right now (though this may change), I can say with ease that I am satisfied.

On a lighter note - Here's a picture of Sidd from Will's tonight. Nice diet.

Prom

Prom is such an interesting topic. It seems like its the one thing running through the minds of all the girls and half the boys in our high school. It's getting ridiculous how often the word "prom" is being thrown around everyday. In the halls you're always catching random prom conversations, hectic prom rants and the latest prom gossip. Everyone is planning, scheming and anticipating - hoping that the perfect guy with ask them, or the perfect girl will say yes to them. Prom itself is going to be great, but the pre-prom drama is bound to cause problems and tension. It's kind of sad how entranced every senior is with prom. Everyone needs to just relax and chill out. Having fun is not going to be hard, I mean everyone is going to be at prom. Prom is going to be one of the final things we do as a senior class so have as much fun as you possibly can.

GJ to Alex on being the topic of discussion today. It's amazing how fast news makes it around the school, especially among gossip-thriving asians. Pretty sure I heard your name come up at least ten times throughout the day. I'm not going to lie though - listening to what everyone had to say was pretty interesting and entertaining. However, I'll keep how I feel to myself. Other then my belief that it truly sucks that you're ending up in my limo :D.

Good thing I don't have to worry about prom or getting dragged into the endless pre-prom drama. I mean, there isn't anyone else in this school I'd rather go with than the person I'm going with.

PS - IHOP for lunch today (that's three days of eating out in a row, hahah). Sidd ended up postponing his diet to come along. Won't be surprised if he postpones it some more. Sidd, the chub is a good look for you, hahah.





I have not gotten much sleep this week. Half-days make me stay up late doing nothing particularly exciting. I really need to catch up on my sleep. I haven't had my weekly 14 hour sleep day yet.

A Run-down

There are certain people in this world that I truly, wholeheartedly respect. There are very few of them, but they do exist. With things the way they are today, and all the terrible things in the world, it's pretty uplifting to know that good, respectable people are still around. It's bittersweet though, considering how far I am from being like these people. I mean, I know I'm not a horrible kid or anything (though some of you would disagree), but I do have many faults and shortcomings. I often mirror the traits and mannerisms of the people I criticize. I hold a double-standard. One for the people I dislike: A strict set of rules set in stone that can not be debated over. One for myself: A standard that is near nonexistent and nearly automatically deems myself as "good". However, the people that don't fit in either of these two categories keep me sane. They're much needed breaths of fresh air. Thanks.

And there are certain people in this world I legitimately can't stand.
People who talk out of their behinds/think they're special. Why do these people talk? No one cares, no one likes you and no one enjoys being around you. Oh, and dumb people who think they're smart go in this category.
People with short tempers. Self-explanatory. Actually... I think its that these people can't stand me. Yeah, that makes more sense. My personality kind of clashes with short-tempered people, hahah.
People who are arrogant/have huge egos. Some people overdo the ego thing. It's not a good thing.
People who are overly competitive. You guys do realize that the people you're competing with don't care right?

Some of you probably think I fit into some of those categories above. I don't mind though. I hold a double-standard - Remember? I'm too lazy to fix my flaws anyways.

Oh and a few goals/preparations before summer.
Get ready for college, and the swift transition that follows.
Share some more memorable times with the friends I actually care about.
Get ready for the goodbyes.
Get better work ethic - something I will need for college.
Grow 2 inches - LOL!
Rep (12+) 185 and get under 10%.

Man - I am full. Half-days are bad. They lead to eating-out-adventures. Vietnamese -> Papa Johns -> Willy's house. Whatever. Food is yummy

PS - check out Alex's blog (Even though his is much worse than mine).
http://pieequals.blogspot.com/

Second

Second place blows. What's the difference between getting second and last? Sure, we got a little trophy and plaque and the privilege of having our pictures taken - but other then that, it was just like getting any other placing. Still no nationals. It's too bad that WWPS had one kid that carried his entire team. Whatever, they deserved the win. I mean, they did beat us twice with authority. Nevertheless, it's still quite depressing. I don't really have the right to complain though considering we tried our best and did do alright.

Some highlights from the event.
Two one-question determining games. First against WWPN in the cafeteria and then winning 74-72 against Princeton A. Oh, and the passionate hugs me and Sidd shared after those two games.
Amalan beasting. Well not exactly beasting, but anything involving Amalan is funny. The kid is just so dumb!

Some downpoints from the event.
A bad second round.
Getting frustrated with each other.
Dropping easy questions.
Not thinking.
Being overconfident - A trait that people always tell me I exhibit. Caroline is arrogant PS.
And of course - Losing and letting Doc down. (Which went hand in hand with not being treated to pizza by Doc)

Whatever. It's all the past. It's finally begun to sink into my brain that there's nothing I/we can do now.

Today was funny though. Apart from all the stress and anxiety and the throbbing pain in my chest and neck, I was able to observe all sorts of different people. It's funny how on first glance you can infer so many things about a person. Throughout the day we played/watched teams with dumb, indifferent kids, try-hard, fail kids, and socially-inept, geek kids. It seemed as if our team was the only team with "normal" kids - correct me if I'm wrong. There were so many kids there that just looked so nerdy. You could just look at them and get a pretty good idea on what they do on friday nights. After games we would shake the opposing players' hands. The majority of the handshakes I received were completely limp and awkward.

In the end, we did our best. It's an overused cliche but its true. Tough luck that we live in the state that only accepts one team for nationals and in the year that has such solid teams. Good job Pien (capt!), Sidd, Dan and Tony.

I think my highschool career is officially over. There's truly nothing left for me to do. I have no more goals, no more expectations, no more intentions for high school. I am truly done. Let's just enjoy the rest of the year and have a good time. That shouldn't be too hard.

Oh and by the way. I dislike a lot of you guys. For stupid reasons but reasons nonetheless.

I'll be back in a week.

Taking this next week to cram for science bowl. Won't be on aim or anything unless I need to get something from someone.

We're gonna go to nationals 4sure.

Self-Reflection. That's new for me.

I have come to realize that I am extremely judgmental. I try my best to not be, but in the end, I always assign labels to everyone. Humorously, considering I am no where near perfect, these labels tend to always be negative things. With anyone, no matter how amazing he or she is, it seems like I always look for shortcomings and faults. I fail at finding the best in people - I am simply incapable of doing so. I only see perfection in a person during the first phase of friendship. The time where two people are first getting to know each other, and it appears as if each individual is near flawless. Unfortunately for me, this period is so fleeting - the initial fascination and attachment never persists. Instead I end up discovering insignificant flaws and latching onto them. Rather than looking past them, like a normal person should be able to, I focus on them and blow them out of proportion. So what ends up happening is I humor people. What I say to people and what I am thinking are stark contrasts. This is a problem. So where do I go from here? Possibly I should completely revamp my personality. Doubt I'll do that. Or I can just stay as I am now. That wouldn't be too bad, considering I think I'm a pretty good guy. I guess I'll just speak my mind a bit more and get a few more slaps ;D.

As I said before, I lack the motivation to change. Radical change is impossible anyways. I don't believe in it.

So do you think you really know me? Because only a handful of people do. Possibly not even a handful.

Excuse the "f" word.

http://i.imgur.com/XN5f7.jpg

Everyone

Everyone is so different. I'm beginning to realize that more and more. Every individual has his or her own personality and uniqueness that sets him or her apart from everyone else. It's truly amazing how it works out though. Even though everyone is so different, we are still able to form bonds and friendships. Actually, our differences are probably what make our friendships so enjoyable and important. It's so endearing meeting new people and getting to know them. Learning their quirks and traits that make them, them.

Reminiscing

In some cases, it's quite unfortunate when friendships fall apart. Surprisingly, for me, when it initially happens I don't seem to mind - yet much later I'll find myself pondering over lost friends. It's always interesting comparing how things are now to how things used to be. Not just for friendships, but for anything. Everything is always changing - it's so out of our control.

For some reason I'm unable to put much effort into anything anymore. I just kind of glide through the days, letting things go by without much thought. I'm unsure whether or not that's a problem.

Whatever, I'm pretty much always stress-free and enjoying life. That's enough for me.

What has 142 teeth and holds back the hulk?

My fly.

: the other day

some people were like

talking abotu you

and howy ou're so weird

and mean

and inconsiderate

and i told them

i liked you

and that i've always liked you

and they thought i was strange

and didtn' undersatnd why i would say that

thy're like

but he's so mean to you too

and i said

that's okay

i still like him

Isn't that sweet. And exciting - People talk about me. I'm glad =]

We're almost done.

It's midterms already, and it's getting harder and harder to not notice the approaching end of high school. The thought is bittersweet. Everyone always looks forward to school ending and hypes up the start of a new life - college. But is it that simple?

School takes up way too much of our time - I'm pretty sure we all agree on that. We've run through the same ritual over and over again for as long as we can remember. Waking up to the sound of your alarm clock, droning through school and then returning home where you are met with homework. This has become our lives. To be honest though, school hasn't been all that bad. I'm definitely going to remember a handful of things from school. Yoselevich and her impressive ability of making statistics out to be a form of real mathematics. Sanelli and her silly rants. Sitting through a year of calc honors with a bunch of _______s. Laughing over the little, meaningless debates and arguments we've all participated in throughout the years. The people I've met and the experiences I've shared with them. It's been fun to say the least, hahah.

Don't get me wrong though - I'm really pumped for college. I've told everyone that the first week of college is going to be epic (at least I hope so). Everything is going to be different. An unfamiliar setting, a new flood of faces and a countless number of possibilities. I'm pretty confident the transition for me will go smoothly though. And I really hope it goes smoothly for everyone else. Don't be one of those kids that ends up friendless, it'll be no fun then.

Yeah guys, it's almost the end. The first semester of our senior year is basically over and grades don't matter anymore (though I know you guys will still overachieve). The end is going to be quite bittersweet though. It'll be interesting to see who I keep in touch with. I'm no good at putting effort into these kind of things though. I excel in laziness.

Monumental

is today.

Hey guys. This is basically going to be a place for me to talk about the random things that go through my mind everyday. From friends, to life, to silly things, whatever - you'll find it here.